Gruman's Extraordinary Catering and Delicatessen

Gruman's Extraordinary Catering and Delicatessen
...with potato salad and coleslaw.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Celiac Conundrum: Chapters 4 to 6 -In Which we Explore a Troika of Time-Tested Comfort Food, Modified to Suit Both Celiac and Layman Alike

You know, there are days when the excitement of Rapini with Blue Cheese Soup, and Free Range Pork Farmer Sausage, and Gnocchi alla Bolognese gives way to the simple cravings of life.  Things which you shouldn't necessarily eat every day - as they present certain cardiovascular perils - but which sometimes you just have to have.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I recently experienced three such hankerings, virtually in a row, and wondered if it would be possible to modify them in such a way that their sacred taste and provenance could be preserved, yet altered in such a way as to bring nostalgic tears to the eye of someone who must no longer eat gluten.  Not because it is easier to cook one meal for everyone, but because everyone around the table deserves the same level of gastronomic satisfaction, regardless of condition.  Life's too short...

1.  Pulled Pork with Slaw on a Bun

With that, I pulled out a pork butt roast I had sitting around in the freezer, waiting its turn to become something interesting.  Confession time - pork roasts have always been my nemesis.  In my constant effort to try and make something juicy, fork tender and sweet like pork should be, I have tried just about everything - low temperature, high temperature, long braising in a variety of liquids, rubs, glazes - you name it.  Usually, it's been disappointingly dry and unsatisfying.  Maybe this time....

I read a lot of recipes online for pulled pork, looking for a common theme, and yes, looking for ideas to steal. The common theme that emerged was this - you gotta cook this low, and you gotta cook this slow.  A good rub makes all the difference.  And - seal up your cooking vessel that it may keep in all the flavor, steam and goodness.

My little roast was about a pound and a half.  That's a little roast.  You are technically supposed to use a pork shoulder or pork butt which is anywhere from 3-5 pounds, but I found this worked with this little guy as well. Of paramount importance - do NOT use a lean pork cut.  Use the less expensive ones with good lashings of fat and occasional gristle - because trust me, the low, slow heat transforms those often 'yucky' things that we like cutting off into utterly sublime messengers of unctuous taste, evincing involuntary groans of gustatory pleasure.  Mmmm.....

Back to the point.

Let that roast sit on your counter until it achieves room temperature.  Cold roasts cook unevenly, and make uneven pulled pork.

Sometime in that timeframe, make yourself a good dry spice rub.  This is what I used:

1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp dry mustard powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp ground black pepper
1 tsp poultry seasoning (use rosemary, thyme, and or marjoram if you don't have this)
1 tsp. cumin
2 tbsp. salt.
3 tbsp.  (yes, tablespoons) brown sugar.

Mix extremely well together, using the back of your spoon to take advantage of the natural moistness of the brown sugar to mash this stuff together extremely well.

Pause and preheat your oven to 275 Fahrenheit.  I dunno what that is in Celsius, sorry.  Look it up?

Lay down a long strip of wax paper on your counter, and thinly spread an even layer of spice rub about the same width and length of your roast, onto the paper.

Put your butt (the pork one) onto the layer of spices.  Grind it down, so that the spices are crushed into the meat.  Turn it over and do the other side.  Do the ends.  Rearrange the spices on the paper so you can mash the maximum amount of rub into the meat.  Knead it in there with your hands.  You want this thing covered and crusty.

Now - it is the depth of a Canadian winter as I write this, so going outside to put this thing in any sort of outdoor smoker is, while realistic, just a bit too masochistic for my taste.  I cheated brazenly in the next step.  Put your pork into a very heavy (preferably cast-iron Le Creuset) dutch oven (one that comes with a very heavy lid).  Sprinkle the roast liberally with 4-5 shots of liquid hickory smoke flavor.

Get a piece of parchment paper.  If you have none, stop and go get some.  It's important.  Tear off a piece big enough to cover the top opening of your pot, and put it on the pot.  Put the cover on.

Put the roast in the oven.

Three full hours must pass, for a little roast like this.  For a big one, give it up to six and a half hours.  No kidding.  Do not open the pot to "see how it's going".  Trust in the power of the fire.

During those hours, make yourself a pot of baked beans from a can.  Add some BBQ sauce, if you like.  Get some coleslaw - the creamy kind, not the vinegar kind.  Get some hamburger buns - not ciabatta, not whole wheat - the real kind.  Soft and white.  (Yes, I know this part is not gluten free.  Gluten free potato buns work here for the same purpose.  The point is, they are supposed to fall apart under the pressure of the soft pulled pork and creamy coleslaw later.  Both the buns mentioned here will do so, satisfactorily).

Take the roast out of the oven.  Take two forks, and begin shredding the meat of the roast into a large pile in the bottom of your roasting pot.  It will fall apart into nice shreds with little or no effort.  Let it soak up the concentrated liquid goodness in the bottom of the pot.

You may, at this point, add some heated barbecue sauce and mix it into the meat, although it is kinder to let each person add their own sauce to their liking, on their buns.

Serve on buns with coleslaw on the meat, and some beans alongside.  Pickles, while optional, add a certain exotic twist. You will not be disappointed.

2.  Spaghetti with Turkey Meatballs

Spaghetti and Meatballs.  A child's favorite, horribly corrupted by Chef Boy-Ar-Dee, yet still lovingly redeemed in a thousand delicious forms worldwide.  Here's a twist that should have you savoring each bite.

Grate one small onion, or half a big one, into a big mixing bowl, using the side of the cheese grater that makes really small shavings.  You should have a fresh onion mush in the bowl when you are done.

Mince three cloves of garlic into the onion mush.

Add:
1 large egg
1/4 cup of Cream of Rice Cereal (Gluten free!  Gluten free!  And, a fine alternative to traditional bread crumbs).
3 tbsp. ketchup
1/4 cup of fresh parsley (use 1 tbsp. of dried oregano, poultry seasoning, marjoram, or rosemary if you have no fresh parsley)
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese.  The real stuff if you have it, if not the Kraft in the green container is just fine.
1/4 cup feta cheese, crumbled finely
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper.  Or more, if you want.
1 pound dark (or light) ground fresh turkey meat.  Use pork or beef if you want.

Mix this mixture together well, with your hands.  Get a little olive oil on your hands, then start rolling the mixture into meatballs about 1-1.5 inches in diameter (no bigger, please).  Place them on a plate or baking sheet.

Heat 3-4 tbsp of olive oil in a large, heavy frying pan over medium-high heat.  Add the meatballs and brown them on all sides, about five minutes.  Add 1/2 cup of red wine, and deglaze the pan.  (Scrape up the browny bits from the bottom, and let the wine boil down to a nice syrupy coating.   Turn off the heat and transfer the meatballs to a plate (a different one).

Pour into the pan one jar of store-bought spaghetti sauce.  I like the four-cheese versions.  (I like cheese in all its incarnations).  Add one can of diced tomatoes.  Return all the meatballs and juices into the pan.  Turn the heat to medium-low, and just simmer the sauce for awhile until the sauce thickens a bit and the flavors blend - probably just as long as it takes you to get out your spaghetti pot, boil the water, add the gluten-free spaghetti (I like Tinkyada and Rizopia rice noodles, and even better, a rice and corn combination made in Italy, brand name Misura), and cook it up.  Once the spaghetti is done, your sauce with meatballs will be too.


Serve immediately, with plenty of grated cheese for garnish.

3.  Southern Fried Double Dredged Buttermilk-Marinated Fried Chicken

I have a dream. Someday, I shall make fried chicken as good as my girlfriend did, the first time we went on an all-day trip to Jasper National Park, where we ate it cold on a picnic blanket, next to the Athabasca River (or maybe it was the mighty Pembina River?  I dunno - all I know is that the chicken was amazing).  Having evolved since into my loving wife, she told me just the other day what her secret was.  She fries it till it's golden brown, then she bakes it in the oven.  Aha!  Maybe now my dream will come true.

Here goes.  Please note that if you want this chicken today, you should have started this process yesterday.  Govern yourselves accordingly.

Place 9-10 good sized chicken pieces into a shallow, coverable container (Tupperware, or analogue).  Our family is well divided into white-only and dark-only meat lovers, so we use equal measures of boneless skinless chicken breast, and either drumsticks or thighs.

Mix together in a bowl one liter of buttermilk with a 1/2 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.  You may also add some sliced onion, some paprika, and some fresh herbs to this sauce if you like.  Pour the whole thing into your container over the chicken.  Get in there with your hands and lovingly massage this liquid into every cranny of the meat.  Cover tightly, and put it in the fridge overnight - for up to 24 hours.

The next day, mix up in a plastic ziploc or similar bag the following gluten-free coating mix:

1/2 cup sweet sorghum flour
1/2 cup light buckwheat flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
1/2 cup white rice flour
1/2 cup "all purpose" celiac flour
1 tbsp. paprika
1 tbsp. ground black pepper
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp. onion powder
1 tbsp. sage
1 tbsp. poultry seasoning
2 tbsp seasoning salt.

Close the bag and shake this up to mix together well.

Lay out several layers of paper towel on the counter.  Remove the chicken pieces, smoothing the buttermilk coating back into the container.  Dry the chicken pieces with the paper towel.

Drop the pieces one at a time into the coating mixture.  Close the bag, shake well until completely coated, and remove onto another layer of paper towel.  

When all the pieces have been duly coated, dip them again into the buttermilk sauce and without drying them, drop them back one at a time into the coating mix, shaking them again to make a second layer of crust.  They should come out looking something like this:


Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

In a large heavy frying pan, and preferably one in which you can watch and control the heat of your oil, heat about two cups of oil (NOT olive oil, but something with a high smoking point, like peanut or canola or grapeseed oil) up to 350 degrees.  If you have no thermometer, then heat over medium-high heat until a pinch of flour dropped in the oil sizzles immediately.  It is important to keep your oil at at least 320 degrees during the frying process - it will drop in temperature when you put the chicken in.  Putting in too many pieces at once lowers the temperature too much, and your chicken will get soggy.  Not what you want in a good fry.

So, fry the chicken in batches of 4-5 pieces at a time, until golden brown, turning once to get the other side brown.

When they are all brown, put them on a rack on a cookie sheet, and put them in the oven.  It should take about 40 minutes to get them all well done (you can check doneness with a meat thermometer in the thickest part of the thigh, but don't touch the bone with the thermometer.

When they come out of the oven, they should have a uniform, thick, dark-brown crusty crust, with the most impossibly flavorful, tender and juiciest chicken you can imagine inside. Drain them for a minute on some paper towels just to get any excess oil off.



Serve some of them hot, until everyone is full.  The rest should be saved in the fridge until tomorrow, (or midnight), for a second round of amazing flavor, but cold this time.


There.  That oughta hold ya for a couple of days....



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